He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
