A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
operation harelip BJ is a go
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
