i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im holly from the hills drunk
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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