I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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