Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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