Buhtt sex?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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