Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we made out on top of his cat.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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