Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
