i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
