I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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