Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
