At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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