hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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