it was like having sex with a tree stump
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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