The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
