Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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