Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
