I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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