I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
