i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the raccoons are back...
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