Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
