I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
