I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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