Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.

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(917): Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist. http://tfl.nu/5y9j

Replies (0) Good night (541) Bad night (1824) Order T-Shirt
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(813): View more from Florida

i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.

(212): View more from New York

i hate you

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(813): i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you. (212): i hate you http://tfl.nu/mlwn

Replies (20) Good night (4629) Bad night (958)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.

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(931): I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then. http://tfl.nu/2mcz

Replies (28) Good night (5917) Bad night (4520) Order T-Shirt
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(760): View more from California

i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now

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(760): i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now http://tfl.nu/mcne

Replies (6) Good night (2183) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
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(806): View more from Texas

For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.

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(806): For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so. http://tfl.nu/nluj

Replies (7) Good night (3263) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
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(408): View more from California

We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.

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(408): We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices. http://tfl.nu/tes7

Replies (5) Good night (2320) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
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(609): View more from New Jersey

wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.

(941): View more from Florida

it was a krispy kreme

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(609): wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut. (941): it was a krispy kreme http://tfl.nu/o743

Replies (15) Good night (4874) Bad night (1042)
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(925): View more from California

I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.

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(925): I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent. http://tfl.nu/smsr

Replies (4) Good night (1992) Bad night (417)
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(514): View more from Quebec

I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?

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(514): I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!? http://tfl.nu/cwiy

Replies (16) Good night (782) Bad night (2076) Order T-Shirt
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(712): View more from Iowa

He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"

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(712): He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza" http://tfl.nu/tedt

Replies (6) Good night (339) Bad night (998)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?

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(321): Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding? http://tfl.nu/i6fm

Replies (15) Good night (1121) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
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(720): View more from Colorado

I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.

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(720): I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/gexm

Replies (5) Good night (389) Bad night (1262)
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(281): View more from Texas

I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.

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(281): I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed. http://tfl.nu/u1zj

Replies (1) Good night (503) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
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(678): View more from Georgia

Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.

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(678): Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on. http://tfl.nu/4vca

Replies (1) Good night (1002) Bad night (170) Order T-Shirt
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(330): View more from Ohio

Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?

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(330): Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship? http://tfl.nu/gnhb

Replies (1) Good night (683) Bad night (163)

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