I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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