Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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