Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
