if you like me you must not know who I am
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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