If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
