My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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