her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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