i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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