my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
