I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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