I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm always down for nudity.
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