so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
