I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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