You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
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he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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