i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
