I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
