My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
