pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
