Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
