You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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