Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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