im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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