cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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