make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
