I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you never un-have a 4some
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
