Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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