he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
