I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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