The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
