remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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