Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Couch. On fire.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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