I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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