UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
