the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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