You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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