his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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