Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
