I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
