i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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