you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
